I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
