brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
