dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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