I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
