remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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