only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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