exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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