Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
