yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
