I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
