Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
