Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
