i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
