New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
