seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
