If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
being pregnant is like rehab
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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