I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize