He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
