i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Farmville is her only friend.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
