Can i not drive my cunt home
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
