doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize