If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
