White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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