I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
