ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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