Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
