Screwed.edu
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
