you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
