So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
