You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
