Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
