I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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