So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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