I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
