so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
