from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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