Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
