and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
