im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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