ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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