I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
