I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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