Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize