operation have a gay friend backfired
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
try to milk me bitch
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