I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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