don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
