question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
sarcasm needs its own font
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
