he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am one with the molecules
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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