youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
