The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
