Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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