We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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