I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
