I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
