dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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