it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
