Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
