how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
