you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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