Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You smell like stripper and shame
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
