White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
