By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I want her autograph on my taint
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
