At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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