would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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