all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I need to sanitize my soul.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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