bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
