He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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