Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
