ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
