Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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