I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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